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Johnny Thunders - Im a boy, im a girl |
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(Warning; this entry, is LONG AS FUCK and diffrent than my usual entries. Sorry for any idiocy. im on a no sleep/caffeine binge and it brought this on, dont take things too seriously in here)
ugh. thats how i feel right now. This whole sleep experiment i've been trying is breaking me down. I CANNOT only sleep every other day, i've done it all this week and while it went okay the first 2 days, today it all came crashing down, i feel fucking exhausted.
so i heard something today that really pissed me off. Why the FUCK do all the good girls get with total fucking retards? What the FUCK is with assholes always getting women? You dont fucking deserve it.
Im not elaborating on that. If you think its about you, stop being so full of yourself.
and yeah...who the fuck am i to judge, huh? I dont deserve shit, i know it, thats why i dont have shit. But yeah, go fuck yourself.
Man im in a fucked up mood because of this sleeplessness. Right now im guzzling a can of jolt cola to stay awake for a few more hours and its fueling all the animosity and stupidity coming out of this entry, if anyone actually reads this shit, im sorry this is in such a diffrent mood from my usual entries. Im really just kind of free flowing my thoughts right now.
So roberts bought a dreamcast today and bought evil dead and a KISS game for it. We got annoyed by evil dead's shitty controls real fast but we liked the kiss game pretty well...well, i played mostly, he just got drunk and watched. I coined a new phrase while playing a particularly intense battle in the game "I feel like Barack Obama in the middle of a KKK rally". Totally off the top of my head. I probabally heard it somewhere before, but i thought it was pretty amusing. I swear im not racist, I actually kind of hope he wins the election so i can laugh at all the racists crying about a "goddamned nigger" being the leader of the country. Go fuck your sisters, you inbred pieces of goat shit. He probably is the Antichrist though. Oh well. Bring on armageddon. I can fight off zombies and shit while the four horsemen chase my ass around. Bring it on god, i dont give a fuck.
JESUS CHRIST. I want to tell that person from my last entry some things...I really wonder what they'd say. I'll admit im kinda afraid of what they'd say. I know just about what i have to say to them. If i could just get past my TOTAL FUCKING HATRED of everything i write that ends in total frustration which just leads to depression i'd try to write a song about it like the emo faggot i am anymore.
actually, i want to write it in a kind of johnny thunders style. I really love his style. If you havent heard him(his solo stuff, not heartbreakers/ny dolls, dont get me wrong, both fucking rule ass.) its basically just him and an acoustic guitar, simple rock-n roll riffs and attitude, but really good, meaningful lyrics. Download/steal/buy the "hurt me" album. Its a masterpiece. I really think the situation im having with this person would make a really good but fucking depressing in a way song. Its such a fucked up situation, and in the end i kind of laugh to myself how it turned out, but for the other person, its for the best.
So is anyone reading this shit? I sometimes think about this journal and ask why i keep it...i really dont think anyone gives a shit about my stupid, pathetic life. Maybe i just keep it for myself, maybe i keep it with the thought in mind that if i do end up dying/offing myself i want to have a story for people to look back on, at least part of it that is, through my eyes. I do keep alot of shit from this journal though, mainly because its the same old petty shit day after day and I get tired of clogging people's friends list with "blah blah blah im whining about dalena/friends/etc etc etc entries. I read back through my entries posted in 2002 and such and I think to myself "WHAT THE FUCK, CHRIS, WHY WERE YOU SUCH A FUCKING MORON?!?" I wonder if I'll read these in a few years and say the same thing. Seriously. If you want to see pure, comedic teenage angst read some of my old entries. Or for even more fun go find my Deadjournal i had before this one(same name as this one, if you cant figure it out you dont deserve to read it). good god, I want to go back in time and beat myself with a garden hose for being such a fucking retard...but you know, i wish i could go back to that time anyways...because in the end i was blissfully fucking ignorant to most things.
I should make a drinking game based off of my entries. Have James Earl Jones narrate my journal and everytime i use the word "fuck" in any form(fucks, fucking, fucked, etc) you take a drink. You'd have liver poisoning before you got to page 2.
Jesus christ, when you've been up this long and are jacked up on this much caffeine rambling is fun as fuck(take a drink). Its like an Olympic sport. I'd be a gold fucking(drink) medalist.
I think im going to practice writing a letter to that person. I wont send it, because i think doing anything like that now would be a giant fucking(...) mistake. It might be therapeutic for me just to see the words written out. I wish i knew the password to my old private LJ i kept from my Ashley/Jaimie era. I love posting in this one, but too many people have access to it, I refuse to hide my entries from people(well, there are a few secret journal entries i posted and later made secret because i thought i bared just a little too much). Only a select few friends could read my secret LJ, and i dont even think i talk to most of the people who could read it anymore. Ironic I guess. /shrug. I give this URL out to so many people though. I mean fuck, my therapist read it for a while. People who barely know me. I guess thats why i sometimes have delusions that im talking to an audience here. Like now. Hah-fucking(drink 2 for a change of pace)hah.
I think i can feel the crash coming on now. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK(drink 3 and chug a beer. Be a man!) I should have tried those 6 hour power things they advertise on tv. I bet they taste like licking a pigs balls though(not that i'd know what that tastes like >_>). Instead i had 2 jolt Wild grape flavor. Tastes like those cheapass grape popsicles. Fuck Yeah!(If you havent puked your guts up by now have yourself checked, you might just be jesus.)
At this point im having problems thinking of anything to say. The entire "Hurt Me" album by johnny thunders has passed while im writing this. Goddamn. If you read this, you fucking(if you can read this, just shoot yourself. I bet you would survive that too) rule.
Maybe I should close this now. Im gonna go write up that letter and try not to pass out for a few more hours. Why? Because FUCK going to bed this early. It would just feel weird for me.
If you really, honestly read this thing, post a comment, just to say you did so i can personally thank you. I really kind of hope someone does. Call me an attention whore i guess.
and with that, i live you with these parting words
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCKBALLS FUCKASS FUCKSTICK FUCKSHIT COCKFUCK CHRISTFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
there, now you have liver cancer. Congrats.
"Fuck" counter:50. ON THE FUCKING DOT. Oops. 53 counting the fuck counter.
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